a new beginning

I have always associated spanking with pain, humilation, dregradation, punishment and other abhorrent things.

All my previous experiences have personally disgusted me, the mind set that many people who spank seem to hold is one that i find totally disrespectful and shameful. It is for that reason i have for many years now said, i dont like to be spanked, i dont like to be punished with acts of spanking, caning etc. I won;t do anything to encourage recieving it, i won't ask for it, i won't brat in order to recieve it, i don't like it.... If someone wants me to recieve it, it has to be because it turns them on, and they have to compell me to do it... not bully me into it.

Bear and i turned a corner on Thursday.

Bear has always said that one day i would ask him to spank me, i always laughed in the beginning, as our relationship grew i became less certain that it wouldnt happen. But i knew he wouldn't force it, i knew he accepted my dislike of it, and i knew he was determined to change my view of it.

Bear has tormented me sexually for many days, his teasing has been harder, more prolonged, more sexual then ever before. I am not allowed to orgasm without consent, and i am regularly reminded that permission has not been given. By Wednesday night i was desperate for release, Bear knew this and turned up the torment.. he tormented me, teased me, verbally challenged me, mentally pushed my boundaries. In the end, i was willing to do anything to get just a little more sexual pleasure.

I asked him to spank me.

On Thursday we chatted and played, we cybered a scenario which for the first time in our relationship involved spanking. Bear was wonderful, very considerate of my reluctance towards spanking, so he made it very sexual, for each spank he cybered, he rewarded me with a sexual counter part.... a rub, a touch, a pinch, a kiss, a lick.

By the end of the evening i was so wet, so hot, so horny.... i would have happily masturbated to a climax within minutes of beginning IF i had recieved instruction to do so.

On friday we cybered again, i initiated it, which was shocking for me, as i wouldnt normally initate cyber unless it was a cyber in which i wanted to pleasure him. Luckily Bear didnt seem to have a problem with me inviting sexual play and with a little banter between us i soon manouvered myself into the same position as last night. I wanted to see if it had the same effect.

I can tell you here and now after nearly two hours of his attention..... if being spanked in real life is half as good as he makes it appear, i am going to be over his knee with my legs apart on many many occasions.

His reward for recieving a spank makes it well worth it !

Bear promised that being spanked by him would be a unique experience, that he would make it enjoyable for me because he enjoyed doing it. He promised my punishments would never be spanking related, and that it would be sexual and fun.

On Thursday i began to realise that Bear might just have been right when he said it didn't always have to be the way i believed it to be.