Bear and i met this week, we spent a wonderful day together. I collected him from the railway station like normal, and we drove back to my hotel. I always stay over the night before, it prolongs the excitement and means i dont have to get up really early in the morning to make the most of our time together.

I knew i was due a punishment for not resuming a task i had been excused, but as usual Bear didnt tell me what my punishment would be, but decided to leave me thinking about all the possibilities until the day of our meeting.

I was woken early by his call to let me know he was on his way, and of course to say good morning.

We arrived back at the hotel and despite me wanting to go straight to the room for a hug and a kiss, Bear insisted on going to the little chef next to the hotel for breakfast.

I ate really quickly and drank my drink as soon as i could so we could leave sooner, But then Bear wanted a smoke as well. Im sure he does it on purpose to make me wait as long as possible.

Eventually we went up to the room, and i got the hug i had been waiting so long for. To be wrapped in his arms was delightful. His first kiss was warm and welcoming, so much so that i instantly felt a stirring as his lips explored mine.

We spent a lot of time just kissing and hugging, re-exploring each others bodies. Pretty soon i was naked, on the bed, with his fingers doing the most incredible things to me. He tormented my nipples til i thought i couldnt take any more. Squeezing them, and sucking them, he has an amazing way of making me squirm just by touching my breasts.

I was allowed to pleasure him, we spent ages on that. It was lovely, no control, no quidance, just freedom to pleasure him as i wanted too. He was very vocal, telling me what he was enjoying and what he wanted more of. Warning me of impending release so i could carry on or slow it down if i wanted. He had a wonderful climax that seemed to last for ages. I think he was very pleased with the attention he recieved !

Then it was time to discuss my punishment. Bear always comes up with inventive punishments for me and this time was no different. My punishment was to be in two parts, a physical punishment and a normal punishment. I wont disclose my punishment, as that is between the two of us. But i will admit, it wasnt what i expected, and i didnt enjoy it.

After we had another cuddle, which turned into Bear teasing me again. He has this thing that he does, he touches and circles my button, just light enough to thrill me, but not enough to take me over the edge. He spent ages just circling and rubbing, a perfect mixture of just the right type of touch, just the right amount of touch, i was balanced on the tip of an iceburg slowly melting towards the most tremendous orgasm.

He added to it by sucking and nipping at my nipple, more tenderly than usual, but not so gently that it became frustrating. Trouble was, it was not intense enough to get me off my melting iceburg either.. so there i was, a mess of writhing, squirming, glowing orgasm, primed and waiting to explode.

When he finally increased the pressure down there, and on my nipple my climax was seconds away but lasted a phenominal time.

Many of the orgasms Bear gives me are special, they all seem to be different, unique. Each one has been achieved in a different way, with a different road to its end.

It was wonderful to just have a day together, almost a vanilla day, but not quite. Even when we have a vanilla day, the respect and control is there. But it was a most perfect day, and i cant wait for the next time.

paying the price

Bear returned from his trip away today, i have missed him terribly.

It has been some considerably time since i have been allowed an orgasm, in fact its been many weeks since Bear has required me to masturbate.

I spoke to Bear on yahoo when i got home from work, i indicated to him that i wanted to kiss him and hug him. That i had missed him, and that i was looking forward to our upcoming meeting. I also indicated that i was frustrated.

Bear instructed me that when we stopped talking on yahoo i was to go upstairs and masturbate, but that i was to stop before i reached a climax. Just the thought of being instructed in this way turned me on. But, without thinking i commented that it was a little unfair because i was horny and it had been some time since my last release.

For my efforts, i was then told i would masturbate to the point of orgasm then stop TWICE !!

At that point i decided it might be best not to say anything further.

At the end of our conversation i retired to my room. Prepared my suitcase for my journey tomorrow then proceeded to masturbate as required. I came close to my climax very quickly as i was already aroused from our conversation earlier. I stopped as required, and then when i regained control i began again. I went slower, more carefully, but once again quickly reached the point where i had to stop. I desperately wanted to continue, but Bear hasnt given me permission to cum. I gave myself to Bear, and promised to only cum with his permission or by his hand. As hard as it is, i will keep that promise.

I am certain Bear has more torment and teases for me in the next 48 hours. I have no doubt that he will take me to the edge again more than once before we meet.

In many ways i hate not being in control of my own sexual satisfaction. But the plus side of handing control over to someone else, is that the orgasms i have are much more intense, more satisfying.

Bear has a way of giving me an orgasm that doesnt fully satisfy me, they leave me desperate for more. He knows just how to do it, just where to touch to give me a climax, without relieving the frustration. Like eating a milky way when your starving, it satisfies you momentarily but minutes later your starving again.

When i was able to masturbate freely, i did so out of habit, i rarely enjoyed my orgasms, it was a bit like scratching an itch, similar to the orgasms that Bear gives me that leave me wanting more.

Now, i treasure my orgasms, i look forward to them, i anticipate them, i value them. My orgasms have a meaning now. If i am allowed an orgasm, i dont waste the opportunity, i tease myself the way Bear does, build myself up, make myself wait. I prefer Bear to give me my orgasms, i find them more pleasurable, but since i have given control of my orgasms to him, my masturbation has been more purposeful and deliberate.

I think this week will be one of considerable frustration.. i hope it will be ! because i know, that the orgasm i am finally allowed to have, will be the most amazing release for both of us

Frustrated ... and no end in sight

Some time last year, Bear gave me a task. He often gives me tasks to complete, most of them i enjoy, some i endure. This particular task involved remaining in a certain position for 3 and a half minutes. Now that might not sound like a long time, but when you have a short attention span, 3 and a half minutes in the same position, not doing anything .... is dead boring !

Several weeks ago, i became ill, and was excused this particular task. With Bear's consent i was allowed not to attempt the task. However, i never resumed the task when i became well again. Bear never asked if i had resumed the task, and i never volunteered the information that i hadn't.

In the end, i forgot that i was supposed to do the task on a daily basis.

Bear mentioned my task last week, and i admitted that i hadn't resumed the task, and that eventually i had forgotten all about it. (well, it was dead boring, and dull, dull, dull) Someone was not the best impressed Bear at that moment in time!!

Bear spent the rest of the evening tormenting me, telling me wonderful things he would do to me. He teased about how he would play with my breasts and caress them, how he would rub them, and touch them, kiss them and nibble them. Our talk is often erotic, and can be highly sexual. Having not had any release for many weeks i quickly became aroused. Bear continued... i got more aroused.

Bear stopped. Waited a while, then continued, retelling stories of times past, of torments i had already enjoyed and endured. Of sexual encounters, of ways he touches me that i adore, of things i am allowed to do to him, that i find exciting.

My arousal returned quickly, and within a few short sentances i was noticably flushed and my breathing was becoming heavier.

Bear stopped again, leaving me exceedingly wet, incredibly horny.. and wondering if he would allow me to cum.

I knew better than to ask, asking usually means a longer wait before my release, and i was aware that he was still unhappy with me because of my failed task. I would just have to accept that this was part of my punishment for failing to please him. The offer never came for me to take my relief, and i was sent to bed, desperately frustrated.

Luckily for me, Bear has been away for a couple of days, so hasn't had the opportunity to torment me further. Unfortunately for me, we will be meeting in 3 days time. I have a feeling i will be tormented further when he returns, and probably until we meet.

Bear often torments me before we meet, he likes me to be frustrated before he arrives. He says it makes me more compliant. Somehow i think this time will be different. I have a feeling this may be the first time i am not allowed release when i am with him.

" I may decide to allow you to cum, on the other hand, you might have to wait. Perhaps i should only touch you for as long as you can complete your task" kind of gives it away that im going to be put through all sorts of delicous hell when we are together.

Will he allow me release, or will he leave me completely desperate. Only Bear will decide. I cannot influence his decision. All i know is, i have displeased him, and i will have to accept the consequences for that, whatever they may be.

There is a strong possibility that Bear will spend the day taking his pleasure, and keeping me on the edge, then denying me my orgasm... he could deny me until we meet the next time. That could be months away.

The thought of such torment excites me, and scares me. I have never before allowed anyone control of my orgasms, and whilst Bear has always been sympathetic to my needs in the past, i'm not sure that he wont display the full extent of his control for my recent misdemeanour.

I miss it so much

I have been a little off colour recently. Bear has been very supportive and attentive since he found out, to be honest i would expect nothing less of him. He is always amazingly supportive to me.

However, since this began Bear has also stopped teasing me, stopped tormenting me, stopped being sexual with me. He has once allowed me to pleasure him, but he has made no attempt to take his pleasure.

I miss his teasing, i miss the torment, i didnt think i would, and for a while i didnt, but now... now i think of little else.

I ache for the feeling he gives me in my stomach when he builds me up and keeps me there. I ache for the tension i feel, the rush of delight, the anticipation.

I am lonely for the feeling i get when he requires me, when he expects things of me, when he pushes me.

I feel the loss of closeness we have, the intimacy of the control he has.

I miss the buzz of being wanted, i miss the thrill of being taken, used, needed.

Bear is doing this for my own good, i know this, and i am glad that he has taken my health and my well being into consideration. But........ i wish he would forget i was ill and get back to wanting me again !!

I wish he would torment the shit out of me, frustrate me for days, keep me on the back burner until our next meeting. Usually this close to a meeting he would be beginning the pre meeting torment ! but he hasn;t even hinted about teasing me yet. One of the nice things about meeting Bear is the days leading up to the meeting. Knowing that what ever he wants, however he wants it, i will comply, because failure to comply will mean consequences when we meet.

Not doing what he requires could lead to me not being allowed release from the torment. There is no way i would risk that !

I want to show Bear, that i am, and always will be his little bear, i am and always will be available for him to take his pleasure from. And while im at it... i want what i am missing :-)