looking forward to tomorrow

Tomorrow i am seeing Bear :)

It seems so long since i saw him, and so much has happened (well actually not much has happened, as previous blog entries have said).

I cant wait to see him, although in another way i am nervous about seeing him. I dont know why i get like this, but it always happens when i havent seem him for a while.

I worry that he might not want me anymore, might not want to control me anymore, might not find me attractive to him anymore. In my heart i know it isnt true, but my head plays games with me.

Tomorrow i know that he will show me his feelings, he will hold me close, tenderly hug me, empower me with his control, and leave me breathless and wanting more.

Tomorrow i will be given the honour of pleasuring him, of touching him intimately, of awakening his manhood and watching it become engorged as i please him with my compliance, my willingness and hopefully my tongue, my lips, my mouth.

I adore kneeling before him, watching his pleasure increase as i willingly obey, hearing his affirmation as i encourage his manhood to grow.

I wonder if Bear will reward my efforts? will i recieve the gift of his pleasure?

OMG the bastard is back

ok, its official, i am never ever again going to write in my diary that Bear is distracted!!!

how a simple comment can have that reaction i do not know :-)

Bear came on line, after i had submitted my diary, and immediately took me in hand, commanding the respect position, and then instructing me to pleasure him in cyber. We have done this many times, we know each other very well, and the words on the screen can and do have an affect on both of us physically.

I was allowed to pleasure Bear, and i was rewarded with his gift...

Little did i know, that was just the beginning!

I arrived home from work, and recieved a telephone call from Bear, i was instructed to go to the bedroom and strip from the waist down.... and then he began

Its a game we have played before, a game that i hate and love in equal measures

Put your finger at the base of your clit and circle slowly, continue until the next instruction, then follow the instructions.

Circling up and down the length of my pleasure, circling round the tip, tapping the tip gently all according to his directions, until im gasping for air and desperate to cum, sometimes circling once, sometimes as many as ten times, sometimes circling constantly til he says stop.

Occasionally he instructs me to flick my finger left and right accross the tip, i hate and love that, hate it because i find it hard not to cum, love it because that is often the way he allows me my release.

Fairly soon i was there... a throbbing, pulsing mass of orgasm, i was instructed to stop, but i didnt want too, he made me wait for a while, then instructed me to replace my finger..."and now, we shall begin again" he said

I had the best two orgasms i have had in a long time. I am totally satisfied, totally spent.

I have a feeling, that this was my last orgasm for a while :-(

Will i cum this month?

Its been so long since my last orgasm, i cant actually remember when it was.

Luckily for me Bear is still very busy at work and his mind is elsewhere, so the teasing and tormenting has been significantly reduced !
I dont think i would have been able to go this long without release, if he had been concentrating on tormenting me. But then, i dont think Bear would have left me this long without release if he had been teasing me either.
We have planned to meet again at the end of the month, i have a feeling it will be a day of testing my resiliance and my submission.
Bear likes to push my limits, to see just how far he can take me, he says it thrills him to compel me to do things i have always resisted doing before.
Bear also likes to test his own skill, to see how close he can hold me to an orgasm without taking me over the top, he likes to see how long he can deny me, whilst still touching my intimate places. He takes great pleasure from keeping me on the edge, from watching me squirm and wriggle as i try to manouvre my body under his fingers to get the release i need. He takes a greater pleasure from out manouvering me, ensuring i cannot release by "accident"
I wonder if Bear will allow me an orgasm when we meet? i hope he will.