paying the price

Bear returned from his trip away today, i have missed him terribly.

It has been some considerably time since i have been allowed an orgasm, in fact its been many weeks since Bear has required me to masturbate.

I spoke to Bear on yahoo when i got home from work, i indicated to him that i wanted to kiss him and hug him. That i had missed him, and that i was looking forward to our upcoming meeting. I also indicated that i was frustrated.

Bear instructed me that when we stopped talking on yahoo i was to go upstairs and masturbate, but that i was to stop before i reached a climax. Just the thought of being instructed in this way turned me on. But, without thinking i commented that it was a little unfair because i was horny and it had been some time since my last release.

For my efforts, i was then told i would masturbate to the point of orgasm then stop TWICE !!

At that point i decided it might be best not to say anything further.

At the end of our conversation i retired to my room. Prepared my suitcase for my journey tomorrow then proceeded to masturbate as required. I came close to my climax very quickly as i was already aroused from our conversation earlier. I stopped as required, and then when i regained control i began again. I went slower, more carefully, but once again quickly reached the point where i had to stop. I desperately wanted to continue, but Bear hasnt given me permission to cum. I gave myself to Bear, and promised to only cum with his permission or by his hand. As hard as it is, i will keep that promise.

I am certain Bear has more torment and teases for me in the next 48 hours. I have no doubt that he will take me to the edge again more than once before we meet.

In many ways i hate not being in control of my own sexual satisfaction. But the plus side of handing control over to someone else, is that the orgasms i have are much more intense, more satisfying.

Bear has a way of giving me an orgasm that doesnt fully satisfy me, they leave me desperate for more. He knows just how to do it, just where to touch to give me a climax, without relieving the frustration. Like eating a milky way when your starving, it satisfies you momentarily but minutes later your starving again.

When i was able to masturbate freely, i did so out of habit, i rarely enjoyed my orgasms, it was a bit like scratching an itch, similar to the orgasms that Bear gives me that leave me wanting more.

Now, i treasure my orgasms, i look forward to them, i anticipate them, i value them. My orgasms have a meaning now. If i am allowed an orgasm, i dont waste the opportunity, i tease myself the way Bear does, build myself up, make myself wait. I prefer Bear to give me my orgasms, i find them more pleasurable, but since i have given control of my orgasms to him, my masturbation has been more purposeful and deliberate.

I think this week will be one of considerable frustration.. i hope it will be ! because i know, that the orgasm i am finally allowed to have, will be the most amazing release for both of us