Sometimes it’s not easy to do the things you promise to do. On 24th Jan I promised to Bear that I would do my very best to do everything he asked of me. In making that promise, I knew that sometimes it would be fun and easy and at other times, I would be pushed beyond where I believed my limits were but never beyond where he knows they are.
On Sunday, a year to the day that we had starting to converse in a serious way, we met up, and spent a wonderful few hours just being two people. Two vanilla people, there were no restrictions, no limits, no requirements to ask permission before doing things.
On Monday we continued as we would usually, I was instructed as to what was required, I was allowed limited pleasures. But this time, something was different, I tried so hard to please, spent ages doing all the things I know he likes, but it wasn’t quite that simple.
Bear has recently talked to me about positions, we had one or two in mind, but over the weekend a few more where discussed and I was required to show them to Bear on Monday. I must say, I didn’t enjoy that very much, but it was about to get worse. After showing Bear the second position, he chose to tease me, not in a humiliating way, in a physical way. He touched me softly, (too softly) in the same place over and over again, just circling round and round and round not stop.
At first it was ok, then it became irritating, after about ten minutes it became annoying, after 15 minutes it was infuriating. Bear stopped for a while, but very soon required me to take up the second position again, and he began touching again, within a very short space of time, my frustration at the softness of his touch became annoyance. It was so gentle it was almost ticklish, but not quite, and certainly not enough to give any kind of pleasure.
I was annoyed with him, but even more so I was annoyed with myself, I couldn’t understand why I was getting annoyed when I had promised to try my best to do everything he asked of me, why was I getting annoyed when he hadn’t actually asked me to do anything horrible, just to kneel there and accept his touch.
I know he knew I was frustrated and annoyed, and I know it was giving him pleasure to frustrate and annoy me, but I didn’t know why it was.. That annoyed me too! I couldn’t work out why he would want me to be annoyed, why he would deliberately do something knowing without doubt that I was getting frustrated and annoyed.
Eventually, my frustration got the better of me, and I cried, not great big yowls, just little tears, and only tears of frustration. After a few minutes more Bear stopped, and comforted me, he told me he was pleased with me, that I had pleased him enormously. I didn’t understand, didn’t get it at all. But I was happy I had pleased Bear so much.
On the way home, I got sad, I felt I had let myself down by crying, and let Bear down by getting angry. We talked all the way home, and Bear explained, he said he knew it had been extremely hard for me to stay still and accept what he wanted, and that I had tried my best to tolerate his actions, he was pleased that although I had shed a small tear or two, I had remained in my place and not argued or tried to prevent his actions. I had accepted everything he had asked of me, even though I didn’t want it, and didn’t enjoy it. He had frustrated and annoyed me to the point of tears and I still had tried my best for him.
I had promised to be his, I gave myself to him, I belong to him to do with as he pleases. It’s not easy to do sometimes, and sometimes it confuses me how I can be angry or frustrated with him, and with myself, but it never even enters my head not to try my best to keep my promise. Without the promise, little bear has no purpose.
On Sunday, a year to the day that we had starting to converse in a serious way, we met up, and spent a wonderful few hours just being two people. Two vanilla people, there were no restrictions, no limits, no requirements to ask permission before doing things.
On Monday we continued as we would usually, I was instructed as to what was required, I was allowed limited pleasures. But this time, something was different, I tried so hard to please, spent ages doing all the things I know he likes, but it wasn’t quite that simple.
Bear has recently talked to me about positions, we had one or two in mind, but over the weekend a few more where discussed and I was required to show them to Bear on Monday. I must say, I didn’t enjoy that very much, but it was about to get worse. After showing Bear the second position, he chose to tease me, not in a humiliating way, in a physical way. He touched me softly, (too softly) in the same place over and over again, just circling round and round and round not stop.
At first it was ok, then it became irritating, after about ten minutes it became annoying, after 15 minutes it was infuriating. Bear stopped for a while, but very soon required me to take up the second position again, and he began touching again, within a very short space of time, my frustration at the softness of his touch became annoyance. It was so gentle it was almost ticklish, but not quite, and certainly not enough to give any kind of pleasure.
I was annoyed with him, but even more so I was annoyed with myself, I couldn’t understand why I was getting annoyed when I had promised to try my best to do everything he asked of me, why was I getting annoyed when he hadn’t actually asked me to do anything horrible, just to kneel there and accept his touch.
I know he knew I was frustrated and annoyed, and I know it was giving him pleasure to frustrate and annoy me, but I didn’t know why it was.. That annoyed me too! I couldn’t work out why he would want me to be annoyed, why he would deliberately do something knowing without doubt that I was getting frustrated and annoyed.
Eventually, my frustration got the better of me, and I cried, not great big yowls, just little tears, and only tears of frustration. After a few minutes more Bear stopped, and comforted me, he told me he was pleased with me, that I had pleased him enormously. I didn’t understand, didn’t get it at all. But I was happy I had pleased Bear so much.
On the way home, I got sad, I felt I had let myself down by crying, and let Bear down by getting angry. We talked all the way home, and Bear explained, he said he knew it had been extremely hard for me to stay still and accept what he wanted, and that I had tried my best to tolerate his actions, he was pleased that although I had shed a small tear or two, I had remained in my place and not argued or tried to prevent his actions. I had accepted everything he had asked of me, even though I didn’t want it, and didn’t enjoy it. He had frustrated and annoyed me to the point of tears and I still had tried my best for him.
I had promised to be his, I gave myself to him, I belong to him to do with as he pleases. It’s not easy to do sometimes, and sometimes it confuses me how I can be angry or frustrated with him, and with myself, but it never even enters my head not to try my best to keep my promise. Without the promise, little bear has no purpose.
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