How can i be sure?

Bear says he wants to be certain that he isn’t a spanker any more. I knew one day it would happen, I knew one day he would consider the change that has happened within himself.

He said when we met, that he was looking for something, I guess it’s only natural that he would want to be certain that this thing he has discovered is really what he wants, That the changes he and we have made; are what he truly wants.

I suppose I should try and be more confident about our relationship, but so many times I have been proved to be inadequate. I have failed my self and my partner. I seem to have consistently been cast aside for a different type of person. It doesn’t seem to matter what I tried to do, or how much I tried to please them, how much I changed to be whatever they wanted me to be, I still fell at one of the hurdles.

With Bear, I have been given the freedom to be myself, he is the first person who I truly felt wanted me for what I am, for who I am, he wanted me; the real me, the sometimes shy, timid, lacking in confidence, and at odd times worrisome person , with occasional feisty moments, often cheeky moments, on rare occasions funny moments who is as vanilla as ice-cream, and totally not into what he was into.

It didn’t matter to him that I wasn’t into this or that, that I didn’t like spanking, that I didn’t want to be touched by loads of other people, that I didn’t want him to touch other people. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t like the other people, in fact it seemed to matter more to him that I was completely different from the others.

When we first started talking I explained as well as I could what excited me, although my experience was extremely limited. No one I had met, had been able to give me enough of what I sought to make it worth “going for it”. We talked for hours, over a period of weeks, well to be honest, we texted and instant messengered, for hours and weeks ! until we started to phone each other, then we talked even more. I was sure he knew what I wanted, what I was looking for, I was also sure that he knew what he was looking for too. When we first started talking, the things I described grabbed him, captured his interest, his heart, his stomach, swirled them all around and mixed them up into a mass of curiosity ( well I like to think they did anyway )

Bear says, he wants to give me a proper spanking, so he can be certain that he has left that part of him behind and moved on, moved over, found what he had searched for that he had not found in spanking. I know, if Bear requires me to accept a proper spanking (whatever that might mean) I will accept it, I will not enjoy it, I won’t find any part of it pleasurable, but I will accept it. My pleasure will come from the knowledge that I have done what he required and given myself up to his control. When I gave myself to him I made him a promise, and I intend to keep it.

But, what if he does still enjoy spanking, what if he wants to return to spanking ladies bottoms, what if he wants to spank more than one, go to parties and be a full on, in your face spanker? What if he just wants to spank me and not share the joy I find in the control of our relationship?

Why has it taken a year for him to want to confirm what i believe he already knows, and how much longer will it be before he decides that i am ready.
If Bear is going to make the decision that he is still a spanker.. i would rather know now than 6 months on. I dont want to wait for months only to find i am not what he wants and desires.



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