The night i realised...

Bear has changed considerably since I met him, I wouldn’t say that I have changed him, or that he has changed because of me. I guess the true reason is that we have found something together that we have both enjoyed. I have changed considerably too. Not because of Bear, but with him. I have changed because he has given me the freedom to change.

Finding each other; talking about our true wants; being honest and open with each other, not laughing at ideas, or fantasies, but listening and talking them through. Being able to say… I don’t think I can do that, or want to do that, but what if we did it this way? To say these things without fear of offending, or being laughed at, Has allowed us to experiment and find a path that we want to follow together.

Bear says that before he met me, he thought he was just a spanker, but that he also knew something was missing, he just didn’t know what. He says that I have given him the desire to look at other things, to try them and to see if they are the missing link he has been looking for, Luckily for me, many of the things I wanted to experience, are things that Bear has found thrilling.

I remember, the first time I felt compelled to comply.. I was alone in a hotel room, waiting to go to a party with work colleagues. We hadn’t been talking long, in fact I think we were still at the texting only stage. I didn’t ring Bear for weeks after we starting to communicate. Bear instructed me to stand behind a chair, and wait…. That was all I had to do, but I had never done anything like it before. I didn’t know what I was waiting for, I didn’t know how long I would be waiting. I just had a text on my phone that said “ stand behind the chair with your hands on the chair back and wait”
To my great surprise, I did it. I don’t know why, I just knew I had too. I didn’t feel silly doing it, I didn’t feel weird doing it… it felt absolutely the right thing to do.

I received a text about ten minutes later, releasing me from waiting.

I don’t know why, but I cried. I had never had a feeling like it… it was such a deep intensity, and a strange satisfaction that I had never had before. To have found someone who compelled me to do things, things I would have been too embarrassed to do before, even in an empty room… (I mean to say, standing in my bra and knickers against a chair back, waiting… who would do that?)

Bear said it was the first time he had given someone an instruction (from a distance) and known without doubt that it had been carried out. He told me how wonderful it felt for him and how it had shown him that there was more to experience than spanking. I think that was the night when we both realised that control was something we wanted to look at further.

From that night, we have moved forward in many ways. We have experimented and experienced, changed things and swapped things round. But we have moved on together.