Making decisions is not one of my greatest skills. I can make decisions about what to wear, or which way I am going to drive somewhere. What I will buy when I go shopping. Things that really only affect my life a little bit and decisions that can be altered later without a major issue, are easy to make.
The decisions I can’t make, are decisions which will have an impact on someone else, or decisions that someone else might disagree with, decisions that cannot be altered. I only eat in restaurants I am familiar with, partly because I am a bit weird about food, and partly because I can never decide what I am going to eat.
Bear has recognised that this is one of my weaknesses and chose some time ago that he would help me to be more comfortable when making decisions.
Once I had to decide wether we would take the bus or the train. Once I was told we would look at 3 eating places and I had to choose one, if I hadn’t made my choice by the time we reached number 4 we would eat in there even if it was a sushi bar (yuk)
Sometimes when we are being intimate, I have to choose where Bear will touch. I agonise over those decisions, in my mind, everything I do should be for his pleasure, every thing we do should be for him first, me second. Where should I choose, what would he prefer, would he prefer to touch my breast, or my bottom. Would he prefer to touch inside or outside. What if I decide one thing, and he really wanted to do another. What if my choice means I am denied a climax, or denied intimate touching. What if I choose something that he doesn’t want to do? I literally take ages deciding, to the point where Bear will often put a time limit on me and stop touching all together if I don’t make a decision.
In recent times I have become a little better, Bear will give me two options, and I have to choose one. I can usually do that reasonably easily. When he puts three options in, its harder for me.
Last Thursday Bear decided that I was due a task, and what a hard task it was. My task was to list the things we had discussed exploring over the last year, in order of preference. The thing I wanted to try most in number 1 position and the thing I wanted to try least in the bottom position. There has to be at least 5 things on the list. I only have until next Sunday to compile my list. So far my list has changed 11 times. I cannot decide which order to put the things in.
Bear made it a little easier last night by explaining that I could use “part” of an act. For example, I could say – don’t want to naked and tied to the four corners of the bed so I am on display, rather than grouping it all up in the loose term bondage. So, maybe i will be able to stop worrying that I will offend him by saying I don’t like something that I think he likes. My big fear is that the things on the bottom of my list, will be the things on the top of his list.
I know why Bear has asked me to make a list. Partly because he wants to know which area’s need careful handling, and also because it means I have to make a choice.
The decisions I can’t make, are decisions which will have an impact on someone else, or decisions that someone else might disagree with, decisions that cannot be altered. I only eat in restaurants I am familiar with, partly because I am a bit weird about food, and partly because I can never decide what I am going to eat.
Bear has recognised that this is one of my weaknesses and chose some time ago that he would help me to be more comfortable when making decisions.
Once I had to decide wether we would take the bus or the train. Once I was told we would look at 3 eating places and I had to choose one, if I hadn’t made my choice by the time we reached number 4 we would eat in there even if it was a sushi bar (yuk)
Sometimes when we are being intimate, I have to choose where Bear will touch. I agonise over those decisions, in my mind, everything I do should be for his pleasure, every thing we do should be for him first, me second. Where should I choose, what would he prefer, would he prefer to touch my breast, or my bottom. Would he prefer to touch inside or outside. What if I decide one thing, and he really wanted to do another. What if my choice means I am denied a climax, or denied intimate touching. What if I choose something that he doesn’t want to do? I literally take ages deciding, to the point where Bear will often put a time limit on me and stop touching all together if I don’t make a decision.
In recent times I have become a little better, Bear will give me two options, and I have to choose one. I can usually do that reasonably easily. When he puts three options in, its harder for me.
Last Thursday Bear decided that I was due a task, and what a hard task it was. My task was to list the things we had discussed exploring over the last year, in order of preference. The thing I wanted to try most in number 1 position and the thing I wanted to try least in the bottom position. There has to be at least 5 things on the list. I only have until next Sunday to compile my list. So far my list has changed 11 times. I cannot decide which order to put the things in.
Bear made it a little easier last night by explaining that I could use “part” of an act. For example, I could say – don’t want to naked and tied to the four corners of the bed so I am on display, rather than grouping it all up in the loose term bondage. So, maybe i will be able to stop worrying that I will offend him by saying I don’t like something that I think he likes. My big fear is that the things on the bottom of my list, will be the things on the top of his list.
I know why Bear has asked me to make a list. Partly because he wants to know which area’s need careful handling, and also because it means I have to make a choice.
No comments:
Post a Comment