it seems so long

It seems so long since i was able to write, life and work appear to have got in the way somewhat recently.

There have been stressful times for Bear and myself at our places of work, with both of us going through major system changes at the same time. Work has always been put before our relationship as we have bills to pay, so sometimes "we" have to take a back seat. Unfortunately this is one of those times, luckily, the end is in sight for both of us and we both have just a few more weeks of hectic schedule to get through.

Bear still rocks my world, still thrills and excites me. Still controls me in ways i have only dreamed of before, but while work takes the front seat, our control is unseen, unspoken for a while, its more instinctive.

I know the behaviour Bear requires of me, and Bear knows that i will do my best to behave in that way.

I still dress in a way i know he likes, not that i have a dress code, but i know what he likes

I still wear my hair in the way i know he likes, Bear has asked me to keep my hair no shorter than a certain length

I still log online in time for his required time, even though he rarely makes it online in time

AND

I still dont masturbate without consent, although i cant remember when my last orgasm was !!

(which reminds me, i must get a "days since" counter on my blog to log the days since my last orgasm !)

It's not that i haven't been allowed to masturbate, Bear allowed me to masturbate 2 nights in a row this week, and i managed to ask on both occasions for permission to do so. I rarely ask, i still consider it rude to ask for things, but i felt lonely and wanted the comfort of a tormented pussy.

I knew that permission would be given, but i also knew that i wouldn't be allowed to orgasm. I didn't even ask for permission, i didnt want to orgasm. I just wanted the feeling of torment, knowing i would feel closer to Bear when my pussy ached and there was no release.

I miss Bear, even though we speak daily, several times a day. I miss the comfort of his company, i miss the confidence i gain from his active control.

The other day i was seriously lacking in confidence, i dont know why, but i had such a need.. Bear and i spent a couple of hours on line together, i was almost begging for firm control. Bear happily obliged, and we spent our time with Bear being the firmest he has been for a long time. At first i was stubbornly reluctant, knowing he wouldnt allow me to win.... his method changed and fairly soon i was overwhelmed with an inner strength and able to willingly submit to his requests.

By bedtime, my confidence was returned, my spirit was lifted ... and i wore the hugest smile !

Bear always seems able to sense my moods, to read my unspoken needs.

On a lighter note.... Bear has a saying.... take the opportunities when they present themselves.

I often say to Bear " it not fair, i cant get away with anything anymore... i never win" he knows i am teasing when i say its not fair, and he knows i wont stop trying to win

TODAY I WON !!!

Bear likes to tease me by saying i wont be allowed to cum until he has, he has tremendous control and can hold back for an incredible amount of time, he also cheats by changing position or activity in order to reduce his excitement so his need is eased.

Bear does this because it means he can torment and tease me for longer, prolonging my pleasure and my arousal. Bear will not give permission for me to release until he is ready and if he wants to cum first, i am required to wait, no matter what he does to me in the mean time.

Bear rarely allows me to have my release before him !

We had a little text conversation today... during which i text to Bear..." you will lose" his reply was " dont bet on it" clearly issuing a challenge ! a challenge i usually back down from, today i took on the challenge, and replied. " i bet you cum before i do!"

I knew i had won when i got no response.