This week has been particularly strange. It feels like an age since I wrote a blog, I kept meaning too, but sometimes it feels like the things I want to write are just to intimate to share, and other times I feel that I should share my feelings, that I want to share my feelings. It’s hard to write an honest blog and not share intimate details, but writing such intimate things is wrong. I shouldn’t do it, I shouldn’t want to do it. Luckily Bear is happy with what I write, and therefore I accept that its ok.
Times with Bear can be so incredible, so powerful, and also intense. Times with Bear can also be painful, challenging, and draining. I spend much of my time saying about the wonderful times we share. I think its important to also share the painful, challenging and draining times in my blog.
Bear and I remembered the anniversary of our belonging together (well as close to the date as we could) Bear had an important meeting in a town not terribly far from where I live, so I met him at his hotel to spend some time together.
I decided to wake Bear up in a special way, he was already stirring, when I began to pleasure him. He appeared to wake slowly, but with a smile on his face ! After several minutes Bear began instructing me, it seemed so unfair, he had mentioned days before that he wished to be woken up in this way, and now I was doing it, he still didn’t appear to be happy with my attentions.
I tried harder to do the things he loves, to use the movements he likes. To use the techniques he has taught me, and the ones I know of my own, but whilst I was getting a wonderful reaction physically, Bear was showing increased signs of displeasure. He was interrupting me frequently. Guiding me to do things a different way; faster, slower, longer deeper. I tried harder to please him, but inside I was becoming more and more frustrated, no matter what I tried, he continued to change his instruction, his physical pleasure was positive, his verbal expressions implied considerable displeasure.
As a way of seemingly displaying his displeasure at my attempts, he whopped my bottom with his strap, I complained, he instructed me to carry on, But my efforts where not good enough, and he whopped me again. In sheer frustration, I took the strap and threw it across the floor. I know I was wrong to do it, I know I should have just accepted his whim, but I was doing my best, he had asked me to pleasure him first thing in the morning, but wasn’t happy to just lie there and accept my attention. Once the strap hit the floor, his hand hit my bottom so sharply, I couldn’t help but cry. I had expected a reaction, but to be honest I hadn’t expected that reaction. Bear knows I hate being spanked.
I stopped pleasuring him, there was no point in continuing. Obviously I was no good at doing it, I wasn’t pleasing him and if I wasn’t pleasing him there was no reason to continue. Bear became frustrated with me at that point, but very sensitive to my reaction. After a short while, when I had regained my composure, I was asked to continue. The special moment had gone, but Bear wanted to be pleasured, so I put all my affection and love, and respect into my “work” and followed his instructions. He went to work happy. I went to work desperately sad that I had found it so hard to follow his instructions willingly first time round.
Bear should be able to change his requirement at the drop of a hat, and I should be able to react in a positive way to that change.
Times with Bear can be so incredible, so powerful, and also intense. Times with Bear can also be painful, challenging, and draining. I spend much of my time saying about the wonderful times we share. I think its important to also share the painful, challenging and draining times in my blog.
Bear and I remembered the anniversary of our belonging together (well as close to the date as we could) Bear had an important meeting in a town not terribly far from where I live, so I met him at his hotel to spend some time together.
I decided to wake Bear up in a special way, he was already stirring, when I began to pleasure him. He appeared to wake slowly, but with a smile on his face ! After several minutes Bear began instructing me, it seemed so unfair, he had mentioned days before that he wished to be woken up in this way, and now I was doing it, he still didn’t appear to be happy with my attentions.
I tried harder to do the things he loves, to use the movements he likes. To use the techniques he has taught me, and the ones I know of my own, but whilst I was getting a wonderful reaction physically, Bear was showing increased signs of displeasure. He was interrupting me frequently. Guiding me to do things a different way; faster, slower, longer deeper. I tried harder to please him, but inside I was becoming more and more frustrated, no matter what I tried, he continued to change his instruction, his physical pleasure was positive, his verbal expressions implied considerable displeasure.
As a way of seemingly displaying his displeasure at my attempts, he whopped my bottom with his strap, I complained, he instructed me to carry on, But my efforts where not good enough, and he whopped me again. In sheer frustration, I took the strap and threw it across the floor. I know I was wrong to do it, I know I should have just accepted his whim, but I was doing my best, he had asked me to pleasure him first thing in the morning, but wasn’t happy to just lie there and accept my attention. Once the strap hit the floor, his hand hit my bottom so sharply, I couldn’t help but cry. I had expected a reaction, but to be honest I hadn’t expected that reaction. Bear knows I hate being spanked.
I stopped pleasuring him, there was no point in continuing. Obviously I was no good at doing it, I wasn’t pleasing him and if I wasn’t pleasing him there was no reason to continue. Bear became frustrated with me at that point, but very sensitive to my reaction. After a short while, when I had regained my composure, I was asked to continue. The special moment had gone, but Bear wanted to be pleasured, so I put all my affection and love, and respect into my “work” and followed his instructions. He went to work happy. I went to work desperately sad that I had found it so hard to follow his instructions willingly first time round.
Bear should be able to change his requirement at the drop of a hat, and I should be able to react in a positive way to that change.
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