It is my moon time, a time when i abstain from certain sexual activities, from receiving certain attention etc. Although i generally use this time to enjoy giving attention in a variety of ways, sometimes that is frustrating. Sexual feelings don't go away just because its your time, in fact, often they are heightened at this time.
Bear and i plan to meet next week to celebrate the relationship we have been in for a year. On 24th Jan 2008 i made my promise to Bear and accepted his control. For his part he accepted that i belong to him, and all the responsibility that goes with the role of Bear.
Our meeting will be our first for some weeks and we both want it to be special. Bear has a habit of frustrating me sexually before we meet, he says it makes me more compliant, more accepting of his wishes. But sometimes i wish for him to be in a heightened state too. So last night, knowing he wouldn't want to relieve his frustration so close to our meeting, and knowing he likes me to be sexually awakened as well, i decided to instigate some cyber play.
We play in cyber very well together, for both of us, because we know how to touch each other and how each other reacts, it is not impossible to get a reaction even when we are not physically together.
I know that one of the things that delights Bear is when i ask for something. It thrills him more if i ask for something that i don't particularly enjoy.
I indicated that i was kneeling before him, a position that i know he likes, i painted a mental image for him, of my body naked from the waist up, my hands clasped behind my back, my breasts pushed forward. I touched my breasts for him, (something i don't like to do, but i know it excites him) i saw him watching, i teased my nipples and stroked my breasts, all in full view of him. He knows i find this shameful; and that i do it for him, because i desire to please him, excites him considerably.
I placed 2 pegs in his hand... and respectfully asked Bear to peg my nipples. I would have loved to have seen his face. I dont think he ever expected that. I really struggle to ask for things, and i dont like pegs much at all, i prefer fingers on my flesh, they are more sensitive to my needs.
We spent a long time playing a game of pleasure and pain with the pegs, where Bear pegged my nipples then kissed and licked and sucked them once the peg was removed. I know the rules of the game, if i want the pleasure of his mouth on my breast, i must accept the pain that comes before it.
Despite this being cyber, and even though we hadn't played pleasure and pain with pegs in real life, in fact, we haven't played with pegs at all in real life. I quickly became aroused. I knew exactly what i would feel when he described the things he was doing, i knew exactly what he would do when i responded in type to him.
After a while i had to use my pause word. As its my time, i am more easily aroused, more easily frustrated, and i cannot relieve the frustration. I used the pause to ensure i was having the affect i had hoped for, i received confirmation that he was thoroughly enjoying the game, and yes i was getting a reaction!
That spurred me on, and i indicated that i was ready to continue, the game of pleasure and pain continued, but Bear increased the pleasure... unfortunately that indicates that the pain must also be increased. Not necessarily the level of pain, but it could be the length of the pain, in fact, sometimes its not even pain, just a higher level of discomfort. its hard to explain, hard to put into words. It didn't take long for me to be distracted by my body, to be on a journey towards frustration that i hadnt planned to be on. So once again i used my pause word, at that point Bear chose to end the game, leaving me considerably excited, and i hope - leaving him in a similar condition!
It was wonderful to be able to excite Bear, to be able to give him some of the pleasures he gives me. Nice to be allowed to awaken his desire, in my own way, with my own ideas....it was liberating to be able to introduce a new variation on an act we already enjoy. I enjoyed awakening him more than perhaps i should have. Bear controls our relationship, but i guess that control allows me the freedom sometimes to give something back to Bear without being asked.
Bear and i plan to meet next week to celebrate the relationship we have been in for a year. On 24th Jan 2008 i made my promise to Bear and accepted his control. For his part he accepted that i belong to him, and all the responsibility that goes with the role of Bear.
Our meeting will be our first for some weeks and we both want it to be special. Bear has a habit of frustrating me sexually before we meet, he says it makes me more compliant, more accepting of his wishes. But sometimes i wish for him to be in a heightened state too. So last night, knowing he wouldn't want to relieve his frustration so close to our meeting, and knowing he likes me to be sexually awakened as well, i decided to instigate some cyber play.
We play in cyber very well together, for both of us, because we know how to touch each other and how each other reacts, it is not impossible to get a reaction even when we are not physically together.
I know that one of the things that delights Bear is when i ask for something. It thrills him more if i ask for something that i don't particularly enjoy.
I indicated that i was kneeling before him, a position that i know he likes, i painted a mental image for him, of my body naked from the waist up, my hands clasped behind my back, my breasts pushed forward. I touched my breasts for him, (something i don't like to do, but i know it excites him) i saw him watching, i teased my nipples and stroked my breasts, all in full view of him. He knows i find this shameful; and that i do it for him, because i desire to please him, excites him considerably.
I placed 2 pegs in his hand... and respectfully asked Bear to peg my nipples. I would have loved to have seen his face. I dont think he ever expected that. I really struggle to ask for things, and i dont like pegs much at all, i prefer fingers on my flesh, they are more sensitive to my needs.
We spent a long time playing a game of pleasure and pain with the pegs, where Bear pegged my nipples then kissed and licked and sucked them once the peg was removed. I know the rules of the game, if i want the pleasure of his mouth on my breast, i must accept the pain that comes before it.
Despite this being cyber, and even though we hadn't played pleasure and pain with pegs in real life, in fact, we haven't played with pegs at all in real life. I quickly became aroused. I knew exactly what i would feel when he described the things he was doing, i knew exactly what he would do when i responded in type to him.
After a while i had to use my pause word. As its my time, i am more easily aroused, more easily frustrated, and i cannot relieve the frustration. I used the pause to ensure i was having the affect i had hoped for, i received confirmation that he was thoroughly enjoying the game, and yes i was getting a reaction!
That spurred me on, and i indicated that i was ready to continue, the game of pleasure and pain continued, but Bear increased the pleasure... unfortunately that indicates that the pain must also be increased. Not necessarily the level of pain, but it could be the length of the pain, in fact, sometimes its not even pain, just a higher level of discomfort. its hard to explain, hard to put into words. It didn't take long for me to be distracted by my body, to be on a journey towards frustration that i hadnt planned to be on. So once again i used my pause word, at that point Bear chose to end the game, leaving me considerably excited, and i hope - leaving him in a similar condition!
It was wonderful to be able to excite Bear, to be able to give him some of the pleasures he gives me. Nice to be allowed to awaken his desire, in my own way, with my own ideas....it was liberating to be able to introduce a new variation on an act we already enjoy. I enjoyed awakening him more than perhaps i should have. Bear controls our relationship, but i guess that control allows me the freedom sometimes to give something back to Bear without being asked.
